A Revelation...

Is there ever really such a thing as meant to be?
One could get caught up in the whimsical I love you' s and I'm sorry's and forget the reasons behind them.  Maybe I'm sentimental but my heart goes into everything I do.  Falling in love should be nothing short of amazing,  so why do so many of us let it get away from us.  Are we as human beings really that selfish that even when we've encountered true love in its purest form;  raw,  painful at times,  overwhelming, flaws and all... someone falls off track . Eventually derailing the love train completely off the tracks that initially both parties were 100% bought in on.
I had a debate with one of my friends that love should not be accompanied by anything ugly.  But,  I strongly believe or believed that love is what you make it.  Love can be the strength that carries two people through the toughest of hardships.  Love can exist in the worst of places as the guiding light at the end of a tunnel.  Love can also be the painful truth challenging your patience and commitment to it.
Letting go of someone you love is somewhat of the impossible.  It May never happen.  As many times as you challenge yourself to not respond to the 4-page letters or the ? Text messages, or the out of nowhere I miss you's or looks of admiration during the brief last moments you shared with one another,  love is much like a powerful drug that leaves you shaking and itching for it.  Even if you find yourself claiming to move on the love you have on reserve with that one person who still takes your breath away with the slightest touch on your arm in passing or their fingers removing strands of hair out of your eyes so they could see them better even as tears stream out of them is irreplaceable and will either lie dormant inside of you until the next brief encounter or it will gnaw away at you reminding you of the fight you put up for it that you barely made it out of alive.

Love is both heartbreaking and breathtaking. Why do we give it our all, when we know there's the potential that she'll take it all away in the blink of an eye? Yes, I just referred to love as a "she". My friend, and I also debated about Love being My God... she's quite religious so I don't know if she took offense to that or fully respected it, but I spent my entire life searching for LOVE... the almost impossible and unattainable and believe that I found her... she just continues to take on different shapes and forms making it easy for us to lose sight of her. Normally, I'd have this conversation with Sean, but I don't know if he's still the thinker that I once knew. But, the concept of love is now an elusive one to me and I'm hopeful that that will once again change but this time... She got me good.

Happy Valentines Day

So I admit at times I can be a bit cheesy. I think in matters of love, all relationships can benefit from a little mozzarella, or utilizing a cliche from time to time. And honestly who is to judge creativity from cheesiness anyway? It really comes down to the object of the affection of the one making the gesture. And since it is Valentine's Day its only right we wax poetically about love, no?
So what is love anyway? According to Wikipedia, "Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment." Hmm...poignant, but is that enough? For me, and what I feel for the woman I love this definition does not sum up all the feelings that pour over me when I think of her. Therefore Love cannot define the feeling I have for her. This woman is amazing. She is like the first rays of sunshine basking over your entire body warming and enlightening something that was shivering in darkness.

I adore her:
Her New York saavy and accent- her well to do attitude and sometimes bourgeois attitude. Her huge eyes which I stare into sometimes and I swear I see a future that more so resembles fireworks, complete with colored specs of earth green and champagne gold, than life itself. Her wit which constantly keeps me on my toes, causes me to laugh so hardy that I acheive stomach aches, and smile so much that my cheeks are sore after minutes in her presence.
I amdire her:
Her heart and resiliency to never give up on what she wants and what she believes in. She held on to a thought that at times seemed so farfetched that even she questioned her own sanity for believeing it would one day come to fruition! She has truly shown me that if you really believe in something and really want it go after it with the full fervor of a person making a life saving leap from unstable footing to stable grounds.
She embodies everything a loved one is:
A friend, confidant, protector, mentor, one who teaches and gives advice, lends not a helping hand but a saving grasp. A partner who shares in life as a whole your health and well being finances, emotions, interests...you encompass everything that another person can want and need in a soulmate.

The ironic thing is we once had a conversation in which I could not say I was In love with her. It's not that I'm not in love with her its because I've been in love before, several times and it is in no way remotely close to what I feel now. This new feeling has to take its own shape, described by new terminology. For me to say that "I love you" or to say that Im simply in love with you is an understatement. It would be like one being asking "Where are you from?" and responding "From Earth." I'm so far deep into the abyss of this emotion that I can not be reached by air, let alone logic or literarture. She leaves me breathless with each kiss or gesture of affection.

Nobody is perfect but you are perfect for me. I can not sit at His feet and plead with God to construct a more beautiful person to share the rest of my days with. You are like an Angel that was with me every step of my life, unknowingly to me, guiding me to the perfect moment in which we "re-met". And upon your travel from Heaven to Earth, you crashed and sustained a few bodily injuries- and that was my cue to be there for you as you have been there for me. From that moment on it has been an unwritten and unwarranted duty of mine to protect you- for Angels don't belong on Earth they belong in Heaven. Therefore you need a protector, a guardian to keep you safe. This mutually accepted task, to ensure each others well being, is at that root of our love and I am 1,000% certain it will be the lubrication which fuels our love for centuries.
Candice I loved (for lack of a better term ha!) you at the Gazebo, I expressed it on a post it and I will embrace it forever. There is no human condition- not poverty, nor sickness, nor death, there is no natural disaster- not hurricane, nor earthquake, blizzard or typhoon there is no distance- not New York, not D.C. nor North Philadelphia that will keep me from you or my love from shining on you.

Happy Valentine's Day baby.

Long Distance Love

Simplicity:

Sean and I have been contemplating the concept of Long Distance Love for a little shy of 2 months now. It seems a crushing idea in terms of it's longevity and feasibility but why do people bother with this notion when the end result is bound to leave one of the two starcrossed lovers heartbroken? Or what gives them the comfort they need to believe in the love that they share even with 100s of miles between them?

Usually, I'm the hopeless romantic and I'd be the one to venture into that unknown world with him, but what if there's something inside of you telling you it's the riskiest business you'll ever conduct and it may not be worth it?

Who wins the battle between true love and reason?

Sean is probably thinking right now, oh my God, Simplicity has had a revelation and finally came to her senses! But, to that I'll say Sean... you already know what the deal is for me.... distance or not Love Trumps All.

But, honestly speaking, it takes a very strong couple, let alone strong and secure individuals to pull it off. So if you're one to face a serious challenge, and you like to put up a fight you'd probably be most qualifying for attempting a long distance relationship and testing the depth of your love for someone... otherwise you might as well call it quits now.... or you better start a new path to self discovery and determine if you're willing to take that leap and start taking risks the old you probably never would have.

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.

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Right Sean?

Eh wrong! The correct answer is love knows no distance nor bounds. if you truly LOVE someone obstacles do not exist. Only love. For when you love somebody or should i say when you're in love with some one it's like being in a whole other world. And all that's visible in this fantasy land is enchanting colors mystical existences, boundless imaginations...wait im thinking of the movie Avatar. But seriously life is like that when you're in love it's like you're an avatar living in a translucent, parellel universe walking amongst the rest of the world. True love is the only thing that can exist and remain perfectly affected and dry amidst a sea of imperfection and the drab dampness that life sometimes offers. Distance cannot stop true love. And if you are "one-hunnit" (or 100% honest) with yourself then distance is no hinderance.

So i say to you Simplicity if you have to check your reality and ask yourself Can I do this? you're asking the wrong question. the true question there is am i truly in love?

short response... Simplicity says:

Wow, I think Sean and I may have died and both came back in each other's places... Interesting thoughts, I'm glad you said it and not me, but like I said... the rare cases where it does succeed and should (maybe I left out the should part...) is where true love exists. To those that consider it a challenge and hinderance yes, I agree that they should question if they're truly in love because like you I believe there is no boundary or barrier. (just reread my initialy response) Love Trumps All would be where this falls under haha because no where do I indicate that I feel like long distance doesn't mean a thing regardless of true love or not except for where I say long distance or not.. Love Trumps All haha, I like this post.

When is over really over?

Have you ever been a relationship only to have that relationship called off for some reason or another, just to have the person you are cooling off from, contact you? Break ups to make ups they say; but my question is when does it really count? When does a female say i'm done and it really means it? Of all the women I have been involved with, the ones that have for lack of a better term dumped me always contact me within a reasonably quick time period to "talk' or to say they miss me or they made a mistake. How am i to know when she says she's through and she's really through? May seem like a dumb question with the obvious answer being you know shes done when she doesn't call your ass back! But they have always called back. and why is this a dilemma? Because i move on to the next one pretty quickly. So if you say we're through on Tuesday saturday i'm watching Loves Jones with my new boo (too far?). OK maybe not that exactly but you get my point. And it's a sticky situation because I may want to rekindle something with the girl that dumped me but im far too stubborn...so instead of looking for ways to get back with the ex i look for replace to move on with the next. However if i knew a girl said its over but didnt really mean it i would be more than willing to try to win her back. I just feel bad when a girl comes back into my life and im emotionally no longer attached to her. So ladies let me know (1) why do ya'll do this (say you're done when you're clearly not) and (2) how am i to know if you're done or just need a breather.

Simplicity:

1. Sometimes the things women do are unexplainable to anyone except to themselves. There's something empowering about letting go of something you may love terribly but may not be necessarily good for them. Kind of like drugs.... imagine an addict finally able to quit and be clean... its encouraging as hell to be able to give up something. Not to say men are a woman's drug but in a sense loving certain men can be and before the addiction gets to the point of no return its important to her to know she is able to come off that high without the constant need for it.
2. The only way you can truly know the answer to that is if you can see the future! no i'm just kidding. but 9 times outta 10, if she's calling you despite her decision to not speak anymore, and if when you speak to her or even just think about her you can't help but smile and your heart still skips beats from the sound of her voice... it's not a matter of her truly being done it's just a matter of her trying to gauge how strong your love it and being hopeful for something better to come because she probably has just cause for ending it... ultimately yes, when she's done with you she'll stop calling but you also have to think about why she may stop calling other than that because it may be something you need to do and only you can do it to change things.

I speak mostly for myself and the logic of women who can't put words to it.... but i don't know if these responses hold true to everyone, but they most certainly do to me... does this clear things up for you Sean? Or does someone else wanna take a stab at it?

Late Night Thinking

Simplicity:
Sometimes, I wonder if being such a strong advocate for words is just setting myself up for a large amount of disappoint.
I used to breathe lines of poetry and inhale revelations from provoking thoughts and queries.
We played with impossibilities beyond our reach,
Indulged in the realm of absurdity and awoke unscathed,
At least, externally.
Sean used to tell me, he loved me like his next breath counted on it... But, now, that statement is hardly offered unprompted. So what does it mean?
This has all been a lie? Sean and I were just wishful thinking?
We were simply feeding you bullsh*t and calling it reality?
Love is in fact, only what you make it, and we shouldn't aim for the stars in
our dreams of finding Mr. or Mrs. Right?
I'd be a blatant liar if I sat here and said simply yes to all of these things.
Because, despite those moments of extreme doubt in the truth of Sean and I that present time has been slapping me in the face with, the past is a strong thing and she wins time and time again with her logical reasoning.
As much as I've tried to downplay the intensity with which we evolved, I learned, that I am no stronger, nor wiser than he is, and whether we like it or not, we fell in love.
That is the beauty of love at least to me. I imagine Sean would disagree entirely, but I'm over arguing with him because this is my belief and I'm standing by it.
I've noticed those with whom i've spoke about the notion of love can only speak of it as just that, a notion.
Whereas I've lived in it, felt it consume the very breath of me,
watched it heal me when I felt completely broken, listened to it sing me to sleep.
So you wonder if it's real? How can it not be?
It's as real as you allow it to be and I suppose I screwed myself over because I gave a guy named Sean the benefit of the doubt and although mentally I'm above May,
emotionally I'm consumed in it on my day-to-day.
My heart can't find a way to detach itself from the foundation he lay for her. And I mean that literally, much less poetically than the typical "Simplicity"statement.
I don't know if I'll get the feedback I want or feel like I need on this one, but Sean did a number on me when he walked into my life on February 18th, and I can't say I'd have it any other way.

Reminder....

The purpose of this site is to provoke thought spark convos that ultimately led to solutions in what ever problems the reader may have. The dialogue between my co-host and I often leads to helping heal areas in our own lives and I hope we can help the readers as much as writing these posts helps us. Thank you. And with that said...
How did I know you would end up giving me advice on the last post and not include some of your own relationship dilemmas?! This aint "Dear Abby" or "Dear Simplicity" I should say! That's the only problem I have with our postings: there's no ebb and flow- no back and forth. Its serve, then volley, then game over.
Well dear as much as I appreciate the advice I would also like to hear about your relationships. With men with friends, family with abstract things like writing and so forth. But before we get to that I must admit you made some valuable points and assessments. I never fully get over and past love. I get passed it and move on but part of my heart will forever be on that plane where our love existed. Part of the decision to cut off the two women would be me making a conscious effort to say I don't care what they think- although I do care how they feel- this decision was made for me and others and not the 2 ex loves. I can only hope that they'd understand my position and subsequent decision. I've actually began working on righting my relationships but I will always feel God made me a little different emotionally. I will always be void of truly fulfilling and balanced human contact- I am an island...I am legend. Ok just kidding had to do a quick theater monologue for comedic relief! But Simplicity to keep that writing momentum you have going tell me a bit about the relationships in your life.

Simplicity:

Honestly... the relationships in my life..... are insignificant to my current state of being, they do not coexist with one another.
My family, like many other's is dysfunctional. Am I concerned with the dwindling relationships between my siblings and I? Or the lack of conversation between my father and I? Or are the more stressed and bitter words that leave my mother's mouth painstaking and unbearable? The answer to any of these questions can't be determined until I figure out my relationship with myself.
I have the tendency to define myself through experiences I've had, mistakes I've made, choices I've made, values I hold and more often that not what I do.
But, yet something continues to feel like it's missing and I'm coming to the conclusion that it might possibly be an unquestionable, irreversible flaw within myself.
My independent attitude and stubborn, strong personality don't allow me to take sh*t from anyone and this can deem me unapproachable in the eyes of some beholders or in the eyes of others; absolutely admirable.
My unpredictability in never sticking with the norm and doing the complete opposite of what others may expect of me leaves others intrigued yet at the end of the night... while I embrace all of my flaws and traits as the sole foundation of me, I'm not 100% happy with me. That's the one relationship I'm concerned with. I know you say this is supposed to be thought provoking and spark conversations etc, and that we should avoid resorting back to our own personal situations, but truthfully the reason I'm so conflicted within myself is this:
I found myself along the way attempting to be someone I'm not for the sake of others, and I hated that me... then I met you and I found myself as comfortable with the me that always felt a need to change. I felt myself being loved by someone who accepted me without needing me to be someone else. I felt myself growing and becoming more understanding of people, and the differences and similarities between men and women. Therefore the separation within our relationship has left me torn between a realm of remembering the ease in which I was able to coexist with you vs. the pain of hiding the real me for someone else's satisfaction.

As for relationships with men, I hate to say it but there are none if there's nothing with you I've lost all interested in carrying out relationships/friendships that mean much of anything to me with other men... a little birdie once told me that men and women can't be good friends without alterior motives and I guess in a lot of cases I started to see that is true.. (still a few exceptions but who knows when that will take a turn for a worse).

p.s. I've even lost a few friends because of my opinions that I guess were too much for them to handle and maintaining my own self dignity with respect to, let's say, being viewed as a sex symbol and not a substantial young woman....
I suppose the truth is ugly and I'm dishing it out in every waking moment without a care in the world for how others might receive it.

Relationships

Mine recently seem to be deteriorating. Beit due to my submergence in work or me trying to work things out, I've noticed that I have fallen short in many of my most valued relationships. I'm not just talking about love interest, but also loved ones. One of my best friends is incarcerated and I've been doing my part to support him but lately I haven't been communicating w / him (haven't written him or answered some of his recent phone calls) nor have I shown the same zealous in handling some of his requests. I attribute my lack to having a lack of time. But the odd thing about this particular situation is that after verbally agreeing to do these things for him he sent me a thank you card. Upon receiving it I knew right there the chances of me doing these things he asked were slim to none. Why is that? Lately if it feels as if anyone shows the slightest gratitude towards me I'm then turned off so to speak from the deed. Two of my most valued and coveted relationships are with two females with whom I shared a strong emotional attachment. I once even visioned married life with each of these women. But now despite my efforts I cannot love these women as I would like to, as platonic friends. This I mainly attribute to my girls' discomfort in me remaining close friends with these women. But each of them have expressed to me recently a disappointment if you will, in my ability to be a true friend to them. That's a tough one. This is where loyalty is defined and tested. Could one- or better yet should a person be a true friend to these ladies despite that persons' significant others' wishes or should said person honor their mate and no longer be friends??? This is one we've all come across.
It would be easier to answer perhaps if my relationship with my girl was peachy but it is anything but. We've been together for a long time now and this may be my most "damaged" relationship. I won't go into details but let's just say things can be a lot better and hopefully they turn that way before its too late. Despite her efforts I cannot love her as I once did. What is wrong with me?!
My struggles even enter the realm of family. I don't talk to my mother as much as I should, I recently had a falling out with my sister which seems to have been since smoothed out. I barely talk to my brothers or my best friend- and I used to talk to them daily. Yes I am extremely busy at work and maybe my true problem is balancing time at work with my personal life but I wonder on a deeper level if there is some unconscious undertone within me that prevents me from valuing or preserving meaningful relationships. If so, I'd like to fix that so what the hell do I do??!!

Simplicity:

Sean, no one can tell you what to do... you've already recognized there is a problem which is the first step in fixing it... The fact that you're unsure of your feelings or sure that they aren't what you would want them to be in a relationship then I believe it's obvious that a change needs to be made. If you feel that maintaining friendships with these 2 women* that you previously had strong feelings for.... or may still have feelings for.. whatever the case may be, is problematic and you can live with not being friends with them then I think you know what you need to do. But, if you can't see a life without one or both of them in it in one way or another that you need to reevaluate your current relationship and whether or not it's what you really want. This will be a constant topic between you and I because I can't tell you in many more ways than one that your happiness depends heavily on the situations you find yourself in on a daily basis. If you are not consistently happy in the place you call home then there is something missing that you can not force to be there. Happiness comes naturally when one is in his or her rightful place. We can agree to disagree on your situation considering you have a son who is your life and your role in his life and what that means... we don't need to go back there but I will ask you one thing. If you vow to make self sacrifices for someone else's subsequent happiness, how do you think these 2 women will feel about you deleting them out of their life for someone who doesn't make you smile or laugh as much as one of these 2 might, or provoke images of a very promising happy future with her like one of these other 2 might?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will find yourself forever torn because once you've tasted life with someone else and seen that it is potentially better than what you currently have, it's hard to ignore that constant memory of it. Nothing trumps true love once one encounters it and you'll spend the rest of your life searching for something that resembles it and always fall short of it if it's not the original thing. I wish you the most of luck because I love you dearly and I hate that your heart is so conflicted.

As for homeboy who's incarcerated don't beat yourself up about it but please if you can, find the time to right whatever wrong you feel you've done, get him the items he's requested stop putting it off and thinking something is wrong with you! you are perfectly normal in an extraordinary way and you deserve more credit than you give yourself.

Ps.... not sure how I feel about the statement about once sharing an emotional attachment with each of these women.. does that mean that you're over both of them just the same? Interesting...

this is the first thing I've wrote in a long time and part of me feels like its gonna be the last for even longer of a time to come.... not sure why.