Do you know how hard it is...

Simplicity:

...to wake up and know the person you love is waking up next to the wrong person every day
but you still hope that they're happy even if it's not with you?
Or wanting someone you know is physically beside someone else every night?
I suppose it doesn't feel as bad for the person who isn't alone.
Sometimes I wonder do men and women ever sit back and really evaluate themselves and their lives?
Or whether they consider what would actually make them happy and not just the people around them?
It seems like the easy way out is never truly the easy way...
at least not for both parties involved.
So today, my question is this: When do we realize that trying to make it work is only necessary when something better doesn't seem to exist and how do we proactively solicit the "right" protector of our hearts?

Because I know the past is a fluid concept running with low viscosity through our every day decisions I have learned to accept that it can not and will not be changed. We simply have the future to look forward to and should not turn our heads to opportunities that present themselves in the most obvious of shapes and forms.
Do you know how hard it is to give into your hearts unmatched power with regard to loving someone else with every part of you no matter how much logic is smacking you around and telling you to run away while you still have the chance?
How hard is it for someone to admit their true emotions and accept that in the future she may be left with less than what she started with?

It's unbelievably difficult! Damn near impossible to live a life in which one reverts back to a time without the most evident precursor to a happy future.

Sean:

...To lay next to one while thinking of another? To share "couple moments" with a great girl but who ultimately may not be the one that's meant for you? To fight your natural instinct constantly and fervently? Yes I do know how hard it is and I knew prior to the decision how hard it would be. But I also knew God only puts us through difficult things that we can handle. I know 'that which does not kill us only makes us stronger'.
Doing what's best for others is the epitome of selflessness. Its the creed by which the "reasonable person" doctrine was developed to follow. And with that said when one makes a decision there will always be people who are better off and people who are worse off; but the compromise is making the decision that benefits the majority of the people involved. Many times that requires doing one of the hardest things a man will have to do- deny his own happiness. What makes us men is not doing what we want to do, its doing what we have to do- that which encompasses the greater good for greater number of people.
Yes its unbelievably difficult, damn near impossible- but "difficult takes a day & impossible takes a week".

Is it better to have loved and lost?

(I guess i'll go first for a change)

Sean:

Someone once said tis better to have loved and lost than to never have experienced love at all. A friend begged to differ, paraphrased and related this quote and school of thought to material things, stating: its better to have never had money than to have been rich and then go broke.
I'm not sure to which belief I subscribe yet. But in matters of the heart I may have to disagree with ol' Billy S. (William Shakespeare) After knowing a love like I experienced, if I cannot get back to that level of happiness I would have preferred never to have known that it existed. You don't miss that which you never had. How could one go from such an exquisite high to bland existence?
Love is a vixen, a temptress and Carl Thomas said it best I wish I never met her at all!

damn, babe.... I guess i have to wait for you to finish this one so I can offer an appropriate response.. the last line stung a bit though... but this is what I was working on the last time I came on with regard to this topic:

Simplicity:

...then to have not loved at all?"

Some things are simply uncontrollable. I would sit here and say that in my personal experience, to love and lose is the worst pain of all because if you have never loved then you really don't have a specific feeling to miss.

But, my mind is conflicted simply because I can't imagine my life without knowing love

especially not knowing his.

See it's a feeling I'd surely miss or feel incomplete without.

The lack of it in my life creates a void that if I knew nothing of would be the equivalent of insufficient.

If I never knew love then my life wouldn't be considered anything but adequate and I'd prefer extraordinary if at all possible.

I honestly couldn't say I'd accept never loving at all over loving and losing, because once you've loved, a twinge of hope exists inside that you someday will meet love again.

Maybe I'm a massachist but I imagine a day when that love that I've found will coexist with it's

counterpart in me.

I miss you, but I would never wish to have never met you at all.

Considering...

Simplicity:

...the endless possibilities that existed is the same thing as dwelling.
When you fall in love I don't believe it's possible to fall out. So what's the use of considering the possibilities? Is it true that the end represents exhaustion of the possibility? I believe that love is what you make it.... for the most part. But, there's something inside of me that supports the notion of 1 true love and fate and destiny etc. If the feeling comes once in a lifetime.. how come it can take you from high to low in a matter of 5 minutes. I had a conversation that was supposed to be representative of the end of something between someone very special to me but I went back and forth with the thought that it simply would never be considered an end.... But, at the end of the day my considerations are simply my considerations or me dwelling on something that this special someone simply is not. Because if he was thinking of it the way I was, and quite frankly still am, then he would never have come to the decision that we'd reached our conclusion. Right? Even when something makes sense for lack of a better term.... it doesn't necessarily make happiness. So I suppose the real question is why are people quicker to settle for less than what they really want when what they really want is staring them in the face but is something brand new and unknown to them? In the act of love... is fear the contender? And even further, does love lose the battle? I can only imagine my life a certain way and in that image... love trumps all, I'd rather die a thousand deaths than allow myself to give in to the fear of the unknown for the sake of my truest love. But, maybe that's the hopeless romantic or old soul inside of me holding on to something that may not exist.

So, Sean... tell me. Since our form of communication has been diminished to short text messages and I feel my only option is this blog... tell me your perception on considering the end, and why we settle for less than what we deserve and put ourselves through the pain of wanting for something you could and should simply have? More specifically, why would you put yourself through the pain I imagine you're feeling because it's a constant for me.

Or maybe I'm a fool for thinking it's mutual.

Sean:


In a battle between your heart in your mind there is no true winner. However you look at it you lose. YOU lose the person you think is your best friend or the person you feel is your best friend. YOU lose the person that's been on your mind with every decision you made or the person that's been in your heart possibly guiding these decisions. YOU lose a piece of yourself...that you will never get back. Love is a disguised form of suicide- no matter how you look at it a part of you dies. If you lose the love of your life, you are eternally affected. If you marry the love of your life, YOU no longer exist as YOU is replaced by US. Either way YOU die. The worst type of suicide are the kamikazee style suicides: where you kill not only yourself but also others around you. My decision wasn't one that propelled the known over the unknown for I know life with you would be blissful for me. But my decision was to choose someone else's LIFE (and subsequent happiness) over mine.

Dear Sean

::sigh::

Seeing as that only my notebook knows what's truly in my heart, I had to take this opportunity to tell you everything I'm about to say.
I woke up today and literally felt a broken heart barely beating in my chest.
I tried to carry on with my normal morning activities and almost had an immediate heart attack when I got out the shower and smelled smoke.
Last night, I was completely in a daze and left a candle burning in the living room... all night! this morning I found a piece of paper burning next to it and panicked.
Luckily the candle waited until this morning before the flame got out of control.
Anyway, that's a slight tangent.
So, today we're off to start new things.... and the only thing I could think about is you...
The mornings I woke up and prepared for your arrival...
The nights I went to sleep listening to your voice tell me you love me over and over again.
I feel fragile. It feels like is someone says exactly the right thing I'll literally crumble into a million and one pieces.
I decided I can't go through my day with this feeling so that's why I'm creating this post to show you how I feel, felt and will continue to feel.
I love you and it hurts to think that this is it.
I woke up ever so often last night from really bad dreams about losing you and when I realized that they were simply real life I felt the tears well up in my eyes and tried hard to fall back asleep.
I hope that you're doing better than me because I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone, not even the newly inducted members of that stupid sorority.
Loving you is so much easier than trying to let go... so let's make a pact (one you promise not to break):
We will love each other until God pulls our hearts apart.

I miss you more than words can say...

-Simplicity

Commencement

Hey Papa!!! I know our blog is supposed to be about the varying perceptions on certain topics between men and women but I wanted to take this opportunity to embarrass you on our blog and say congratulations! I'm extremely proud of you. I know you're too cool to act like its a big deal to you, (chill, I know it is) so I'm gonna keep being this excited because today is a very big day and it means so many things...

ok.. i'll stop here... I'll write the rest in the pretty card I got you :)

I love you.

-Simplicity

When You're Ready...

Simplicity:
the world around you plays a very small role if any at all in your decision.
the questions of what if? seem to disappear,
while you focus on the questions of when?
every moment planning fills you with more excitement...
When you're ready.

Luckily, I've been given a fair shot at love and can decipher fact from fiction.
When I'm ready... he will be too and it will simply be a matter of how to pose the question.
I imagine something less staged and more personal...
Laying in bed blogging together and then him typing it on our next post and publishing it before I'm done so at my leisure when I'm ready to hit "view blog," it's staring me in my face in BIG RED LETTERS.
Chill, don't get any ideas Mr. Champagne. ::lol::
But love is... whatever you make it, with the person who makes your heart skip beats,
And makes your lips form the words "I love you" with ease,
And infiltrates your system with thoughts and ideas of "what-we-could-be's"
So, when you're ready you'll know and he won't hesitate to share his readiness with you.

What do you think?

Sean:

If only life was as simple as love. You see my dear, love is a concept, not a tangible object. As men we love tangible goods! Toys to hold and display, in a show of bravado proclaiming that "My shit is better than yours!" What's this have to do with love and marriage? Simple see, men have to be the best at everything. Our cars must be cleaner, our girls must look badder, and our relationships, marriages must be better. To a man the root to invincibility is through the all mighty dollar. Therefore you'll hear men giving you that tired bullshit of, "I love you, and I wanna get married but my paper ain't right...." Well ladies sorry to break it to you but that's a real concern for men. Not having the proper finances or not being in position to totally support your woman is a real threat to a mans ego. So the question of "when" and the state of "readiness" can actually be measured in monetary terms. We need the house, in which you prepare our meal as you patiently await my arrival from a long days work. We need the two cars: his and hers. One for the floss the other for the chores. We need the security of material things to assure our lady's comfort-- letting her know that "Not only do i love you, but boo, I got you!" Although the idea of coming up, struggling, and building together seems romantic, the idea of having mine to share with you is even better for men. Marrying purely for love is a thought foreign to a mans psyche.

I mean after all what's love got to do with it?