Relationships

Mine recently seem to be deteriorating. Beit due to my submergence in work or me trying to work things out, I've noticed that I have fallen short in many of my most valued relationships. I'm not just talking about love interest, but also loved ones. One of my best friends is incarcerated and I've been doing my part to support him but lately I haven't been communicating w / him (haven't written him or answered some of his recent phone calls) nor have I shown the same zealous in handling some of his requests. I attribute my lack to having a lack of time. But the odd thing about this particular situation is that after verbally agreeing to do these things for him he sent me a thank you card. Upon receiving it I knew right there the chances of me doing these things he asked were slim to none. Why is that? Lately if it feels as if anyone shows the slightest gratitude towards me I'm then turned off so to speak from the deed. Two of my most valued and coveted relationships are with two females with whom I shared a strong emotional attachment. I once even visioned married life with each of these women. But now despite my efforts I cannot love these women as I would like to, as platonic friends. This I mainly attribute to my girls' discomfort in me remaining close friends with these women. But each of them have expressed to me recently a disappointment if you will, in my ability to be a true friend to them. That's a tough one. This is where loyalty is defined and tested. Could one- or better yet should a person be a true friend to these ladies despite that persons' significant others' wishes or should said person honor their mate and no longer be friends??? This is one we've all come across.
It would be easier to answer perhaps if my relationship with my girl was peachy but it is anything but. We've been together for a long time now and this may be my most "damaged" relationship. I won't go into details but let's just say things can be a lot better and hopefully they turn that way before its too late. Despite her efforts I cannot love her as I once did. What is wrong with me?!
My struggles even enter the realm of family. I don't talk to my mother as much as I should, I recently had a falling out with my sister which seems to have been since smoothed out. I barely talk to my brothers or my best friend- and I used to talk to them daily. Yes I am extremely busy at work and maybe my true problem is balancing time at work with my personal life but I wonder on a deeper level if there is some unconscious undertone within me that prevents me from valuing or preserving meaningful relationships. If so, I'd like to fix that so what the hell do I do??!!

Simplicity:

Sean, no one can tell you what to do... you've already recognized there is a problem which is the first step in fixing it... The fact that you're unsure of your feelings or sure that they aren't what you would want them to be in a relationship then I believe it's obvious that a change needs to be made. If you feel that maintaining friendships with these 2 women* that you previously had strong feelings for.... or may still have feelings for.. whatever the case may be, is problematic and you can live with not being friends with them then I think you know what you need to do. But, if you can't see a life without one or both of them in it in one way or another that you need to reevaluate your current relationship and whether or not it's what you really want. This will be a constant topic between you and I because I can't tell you in many more ways than one that your happiness depends heavily on the situations you find yourself in on a daily basis. If you are not consistently happy in the place you call home then there is something missing that you can not force to be there. Happiness comes naturally when one is in his or her rightful place. We can agree to disagree on your situation considering you have a son who is your life and your role in his life and what that means... we don't need to go back there but I will ask you one thing. If you vow to make self sacrifices for someone else's subsequent happiness, how do you think these 2 women will feel about you deleting them out of their life for someone who doesn't make you smile or laugh as much as one of these 2 might, or provoke images of a very promising happy future with her like one of these other 2 might?

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you will find yourself forever torn because once you've tasted life with someone else and seen that it is potentially better than what you currently have, it's hard to ignore that constant memory of it. Nothing trumps true love once one encounters it and you'll spend the rest of your life searching for something that resembles it and always fall short of it if it's not the original thing. I wish you the most of luck because I love you dearly and I hate that your heart is so conflicted.

As for homeboy who's incarcerated don't beat yourself up about it but please if you can, find the time to right whatever wrong you feel you've done, get him the items he's requested stop putting it off and thinking something is wrong with you! you are perfectly normal in an extraordinary way and you deserve more credit than you give yourself.

Ps.... not sure how I feel about the statement about once sharing an emotional attachment with each of these women.. does that mean that you're over both of them just the same? Interesting...

this is the first thing I've wrote in a long time and part of me feels like its gonna be the last for even longer of a time to come.... not sure why.